Two Consequences of Dissing Prophets

It's been more than ten years since I began to use the term Shepherd Mafia to describe the holders of institutional authority in the organized church.

From the beginning, I had the feeling that the expression came to me as a sort of prophetic word.

The term has certainly generated a lot of negative response over the years. These days, I rarely use it...but it's relevant.

The fact that I experienced a, heretofore, unconsummated defrocking suggests that the term is apt in describing my branch of institutionalized Christianity, the CGGC.

Everything that is not shepherdy but advances shepherd-dominated, church-focused, parish-priest-oriented, clergy-as-provider-of-religious-products-and-services, distinct from a laity that consumes is tolerated, even encouraged, by the Shepherd Mafia.

Anything that resists or, worse, challenges it, is opposed. And, when the resisting and challenging becomes annoying, the shepherd culture of the holders of institutional authority in the organized church operates as a Mafia.

The institutionalized church operates on shepherd values.

As long as people within the institutional church submit to shepherd dominance, they are accepted by the Shepherd Mafia.

Apostles who settle for being church planters are welcomed, even celebrated.

Prophets who submit to shepherd categories and help design, for instance, Statements of Faith or Position Papers are respected.

Evangelists who contribute to church outreach efforts are thanked enthusiastically.

Teachers who craft interesting sermons and Bible Studies advance and absolutely thrive in the institutions devised and maintained by shepherds.

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I believe that I'm a prophet and, for decades, I myself did all I could to fit in in the institution and to serve its shepherd values...

...until I didn't because I couldn't take it any more...

...because, after all those years, I no longer ignore the reality of the spiritual decay and the numerical decline...

...because, after all of those decades, that is all I could see as fruit of the efforts of the holders of institutional authority in, in my case, the CGGC.

Since I began to walk in my calling, I have had a different perspective on the ministry of my, uh, church.

While I truly and dearly love its people, including its holders of institutional authority, I have difficulty seeing beyond the spiritual decay and numerical decline.

I'm frustrated and heartbroken.

I know what happens in a body dedicated to following Jesus in which God's ancient gift of prophecy is disrespected and driven out by that body.

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So, quickly, two consequences of the reality that, in the CGGC, prophecy no longer functions:

1. We follow fads and drift into empty traditions.

We are not confronted by truth because one of the primary functions of prophets is to present truth and to call God's people to repent in light of the truth.

So, we flit from one fad to another.

This works out in many ways. The most important, lately, is the very worldly desire, among the holders of institutional authority in the CGGC, to operate like a business.

As today's businesses do, our highest ranking holder of authority is called our CEO. As businesses do, we have a Mission Statement and a Vision and, now most recently, a Strategic Plan.

All of this has roots in the business world. None of it is rooted in the Word.

2. We fail to connect faith and action.

Since the day the Church of God formed in 1830, we have always formed ourselves around spectacular spiritual words.

On our first day in 1830, the highlight of the day was a biblical discourse, offered by John Winebrenner, based on a text from the Book of Acts, which declared, in extravagant bible-based language, the goals of the movement.

Since that day, to this day, our words have always been magnificent.

The difference between the words in that day and this day is this: In that day, word and action were connected seemlessly. Those words described what we were already doing. Today's words are "aspirational," and rarely, if ever, put into practice.

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These CGGC realities are typical of Western institutionalized Christianity today.

They are to be expected when prophecy is ignored.

These realities became inevitable from the moment that shepherds foisted their values on the body and, in the case of the prophetic gift especially, behaved as a Mafia.

There are certainly consequences for the CGGC as far as the diminishing of other gifts is concerned.

But, I'm a prophet and I see vividly what our sins are because prophecy is no longer respected in our body.

We must wack our Shepherd Mafia.

Mom's Struggles

It is nearly a month ago that the staff of the home where my mother lives began end of life, comfort measures.

At the time, the staff suggested that we request that Hospice evaluate her. Hospice did the evaluation and decided that she was not appropriate for their care.

By that time, mom had already been swabbed for the Coronavirus. The very next day, the test came back positive.

Since then:

So far, mom's done fairly well with the virus, though it will probably catch up to her in time. She has some minor problems in her right lung, and the virus is probably making her Alzheimer's worse. And, the COPD is bad.

At any rate, she's been moved to the skilled care part of the home and, even the skilled care staff have been unable to maintain an acceptable quality of life for her.

Last week, the home suggested that we contact Hospice again. This time, they accepted mom and she'd now under Hospice care.

She forgets that she is too weak to walk and she falls regularly.

The last time the home called to report the fall, we asked a few questions.

The nurse said that mom was very agitated so the nurse told mom to relax. Mom replied, "I don't know how."

Clearly, several things are going on. One of them is the progress of the Alzheimer's.

It's so hard to know she's going through this and we can't be with her. Evie has always been able to calm mom down.

That's an absolute impossibility now.

So sad.

The CGGC Day of Fasting...and APEST

Not everyone in the CGGC embraces the idea of APEST.

Years after the APEST conversation began in the CGGC, the hierarchs rewrote We Believe and created a first-ever CGGC Statement of Faith...

...and, nowhere in either is there any suggestion that we believe in APEST...

...in fact, based on those documents, the CGGC is a Christendom body that has a view of the Holy Spirit and a view of the church that hasn't moved an inch beyond the traditions that formed around the debates that took place 500 years ago, in the 1500s.

But, Lance, the CGGC E. D., talks APEST. In fact, he superintendented a year's worth of promoting APEST in the eNews and in The CHURCH ADVOCATE.

Lance talks (talked) APEST yet he certainly doesn't walk it. Set aside all the talk. Consider only what Lance does.

This CGGC day of "prayer, fasting and seeking the Lord" screams out the question:

"Since the Holy Spirit has come, as is mentioned in the passage quoted in the eNews, and we have been 'clothed with power from on high' (Lk. 24:49), why don't we simply allow the Spirit to speak to us and empower us as the Lord promised He would?"

The truth is that, after the coming of the Spirit (Acts 2), fasting was not a big deal among New Testament disciples. Seeking the Lord is not as necessary because the Lord seeks, and speaks to, us...and, by the Spirit, through us.

What is a big deal in the New Testament is not seeking the Lord. What's big now is disciples walking in the Spirit.

What was huge in the New Testament, after believers were filled with the Spirit, is the Lord speaking to His people through disciples who possessed gifts to speak words of revelation, prophecy, teaching and knowledge and wisdom, etc.. (I Cor. 14:6 and 26)

In what the people who are holders of institutional authority in the CGGC say, the Spirit is here and active, gifting and empowering our people.

But, in what they do...

...in what they DO, the Lord is out there somewhere in the heavens. He can be sought, through extraordinary means, such as through this day of fasting, prayer and Lord seeking...very Old Testament or, at least, very pre-Pentecost.

The day-to-day truth about the CGGC is that what we say and what we do are in conflict  as a matter of course.

Do we believe in APEST? Do we believe in the presence of the Holy Spirit among us? Do we believe the He gives gifts to His people? Do we believe that He is always speaking to us?

In what many of us say, the answer to all of those questions is yes.

In what the planners of this fasting thing did, the resounding answer to all of those questions, is no.

Why aren't we reaching out to the people among us whom the Spirit is empowering to speak to the body for Him?

Because we don't live what we say we believe.

Based on feedback I'm receiving, there's no strong sense that the Lord has spoken through our day of prayer, fasting and seeking.

Do we even have any idea of what He's been saying through the people among us to whom He's given spiritual gifts!!!?

There was a time, in the movement days, when talk and walk were tightly connected.

Those days are gone.

We must repent.

Fasting and CGGC Talk-ism

I don't really want to do this one, but...

From the latest eNews:

This next Wednesday, April 22nd, we’re inviting our entire body to join together for a day of prayer, fasting and seeking The Lord as we navigate these difficult times. We need Jesus to open our minds to understand the Word and we need the Spirit to fill us and empower us as we seek to remain faithful in this moment. We need His answers, His wisdom and His direction more than anything else. We need Jesus. Let’s seek Him together with one another.

Here's some prophetic discourse regarding today's day of prayer, fasting and Lord seeking:

First, I predict that some, more than a few, will participate.

Second...based merely on how the day is being (dis)organized, in terms of the CGGC body itself, it will come to nothing, as it stands now.

What's being envisioned is perfectly typical of CGGC Talk-ism in that this day of grand spiritual talk includes no plan for action, on the level of the body.

So, as a body, some will fast and pray. How are we, as a body, to know that the Lord has honored our fasting and answered our prayers?

Lance notes, appropriately, that we need the Lord's answers and wisdom.

As is typical of the CGGC in the past decade plus, here's what's lacking: Doing.

There is no plan action.

If the organizers of the fast truly believe He will speak in our community, this call to fast and pray would include a mechanism that would empower the Lord's message to be shared and spread throughout the CGGC body.

Lance would have added something like, "And, when He speaks to you, please call me, or email me..." Whatever...some kind of plan that would allow us to actually DO something because the Lord has spoken to us...so that our whole body could benefit.

This is what Talk-ism is. It's, in this case, talking about fasting and praying without the slightest suggestion that action might come about as a result of the talk.

This is pure CGGC in the twenty-first century. Glorious talk, absolutely wonderful talk. And, no plan to walk. No intention to walk. No notion of how we would walk.

We don't ever DO anything. And, we're about to do it again.

This is par for the CGGC course.

I Finally Listened to John Grisham's SYCAMORE ROW

As I've said, I enjoy popular fiction...at least, the popular fiction I enjoy. I messed up my eyes pretty badly when I was studying for my degree in church history, so I only actually read serious stuff. So, when I consume popular fiction, it's always as an audiobook.

Grisham was once my favorite author...years ago...but I've soured on his books since then.

After the first few excellent novels, he began to use his novels as an opportunity to preach. If I feel I need a sermon, I can always go to church. So, I moved on, checking every few years to read reviews of his latest.

Sycamore Row came out in 2013 and there was a time, about five years ago, that I almost checked it out of the library but found something that day that appealed more, and then never got back to it. But, now that I'm quarantined...

I've had the impression that this one was one of his better recent novels, and less preachy than most and, it's unique among his books.

All of his other novels, as far as I know, are stand alone stories. This one is a sequel of sorts to his first, A Time to Kill. It has, at least, the same main character as his first. Many characters from the first novel appear in this one.

Anyway, Grisham is a Christian. Part of his preachiness, I imagine, comes from a desire to write something that has more substance than a fluff novel.

There's a wonderful scene in this one where Grisham writes the gospel into the story. I, at least, didn't feel preached at.

It's in chapter 30. It's entirely peripheral to the story but it has a Christian couple practicing forgiveness of a horrid and unforgivable act and explaining that, in Luke 6, Jesus teaches forgiveness. It's powerful, and moving.

The story is just the slightest bit preachy and rather predictable. But, Grisham is a superb storyteller when he can figure out how to end the story. This story does have an ending.

This one is long for popular fiction. The audio book is 21 hours long and I started to lose focus at about hour 15, but he won me back.

If you're into this sort of thing, you might want to give Sycamore Row a try.

If you do, let me know what you think about chapter 30.

False, Flock-focused Righteousness

Number 14 on my list of The Characteristics of the CGGC Brand is "False Flock-focused Righteousness."

It strikes me that the changes that the Coronavirus has forced prove my point.

During the nearly 90 years of spiritual decay and numerical decline the CGGC has experienced, there has been an increasing emphasis that right living for a Christian begin in church.

That certainly was not the teaching and example of Jesus nor was it true of the Church of God in its movement days.

But, for most of the people in the CGGC these days, it's conventional wisdom.

And, so, these days of Stay at Home orders are a challenge and a problem.

I don't have a huge point here. Certainly, I'm not saying something that I don't say frequently.

But, it seems to me, this is an ideal time to read through the Gospels, asking the question of how the life Jesus taught and lived differs from what you've been taught, what you've come to believe...and, most importantly, what you've been doing.

Jesus didn't plant churches but He did teach how people who believe in Him must live. We've strayed. We've been running on the fuel of church-based traditions completely foreign to the Way of Jesus.

We have an opportunity to rethink, to repent.

We must repent.

Nick and Dan's Bible Study Podcast

I just finished listening to Episode One.

I had to sign up for Spotify to listen and, in the process, I received a lesson on how little I know about, or enjoy, popular music these days.

The podcast is good stuff.

One thing I appreciate about both of these guys is their strong emphasis on a lived out faith. That focus is obvious here.

The most memorable moment for me was hearing Nick define what real worship is.

Nick's message is clear and simple and consistent so when you hear him give his understanding of what real worship is, you won't be surprised, but it's good to be reminded of it, and encouraged into it.

Anyway, I highly recommend the podcast.

I found it on Facebook and, as I said, had to go on to Spotify...which was not hard to do.

If you haven't listened, I hope you will.

I'm Figuring Out that, in My Heart, Politically, I'm Rather Radically Moderate

It's a biblical truth that human beings have a nature, a natural bent.

In terms of spiritual matters, there can be no doubt that our nature is sinful. "...walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh, for the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh..." (Gal. 5:16f)

I, at least, also have a natural bent politically, as I assume many people do.

I'm just figuring out that mine is pretty radically moderate. And, its the response to the COVID-19 that helped me come to grips with that reality.

Being employed in an essential occupation, as a manager of the front end of a grocery store, recently, I found myself being irritated in the way liberals would be by the store. I thought that management wasn't protecting its employees as well as it might have and part of me thought that Big Brother should step in and mandate certain actions.

Today, I went to the store to pick up some checks, and to take care of some other errands and spoke with my friends who are still working.

I discovered that, beginning next Monday, a whole slew of regulations imposed on the store will effect that, in my mind, are on the level of micromanagement...

...and the libertarian in me took over and I became enraged by the audacity of Big Brother.

So, apparently, neither I, nor anyone else, can win, as far as I am concerned.

Be liberal, but you'd better watch out. And, by all means, be libertarian...but you'd better do it with a strong conscience and a big heart.

It's irrational, and a hard way to be inclined, but I'm pretty radically moderate.

How the Catholics Figure Out which Sunday is Easter

I asked, as an aside, in an earlier post, how the Roman Catholic church calculates which Sunday is Easter Sunday in its liturgical calendar.

I got no bites, either on or off the blog.

Does that mean that no one care or does it mean that everyone already knows? Who knows?!

Since we moved to the home, our bedroom windows face sort of south-ish.

One of the nights during what you High Church people call Holy Week, there were no clouds in the sky and when I woke up to practice insomnia I saw a brilliant moon shining in my eyes.

And, I remembered. Easter is this Sunday.

Because...

...as the Catholics, and all of you who thought that that week was holy, have it...

...Easter is the first Sunday after the first full moon in spring.

How biblical is that, eh?

Only rule of faith and practice? Right!

Thinking that Everyone should Use Your APEST Gift

I'm big into insomnia...especially now with the quarantine going on.

So last night I wasn't sleeping. I have a boom box by my side of the bed with ear buds plugged in.

Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk comes on one of the local Christian stations at 3:00 a.m., so I decided to see who he had on.

His guests were Greg Laurie and Barry Meguiar talking about Christians using the Coronavirus as an opportunity to advance God's Kingdom.

These guys are both rabid APEST Evangelists.

(One thing that I love about people who are genuinely gifted to be evangelists is that they talk repentance all the time. And, these guys did.)

I love how you could hear in their voices the joy the Spirit gives them when they live in their gift and when they share the gospel. Their joy brought me joy.

But,...

...and I think this is true of all APEST gifts, but especially, I think, of evangelists.

They kept talking about what would happen if everyone did what they did and shared the gospel as joyfully and freely and as often as they did.

And, that's the thing about APEST that so many don't get.

First Corinthians 12 is about Spiritual Gifts...and it is about APEST, in particular.

In Christ, we are a body. A body has many parts. Each part has its own purpose. Together, with Christ as the head, we function effectively.

Despite what we may all be tempted to think, from time to time, it would not be a good thing if everyone did, for instance, what Greg Laurie does...or, what I do.

The Western church has rediscovered the teaching of APEST...

...but, it doesn't practice APEST well.

We don't empower all of the gifts. And, we have lost the conviction that we need to live, as Paul says in Ephesians 5, "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

I loved hearing those guys groove in their gift, but, we're not all evangelists...or apostles...or shepherds.

Two things we lack: Empowering all of the gifts, and, mutual submission.

We must repent.

Doing What I do Cyberly

You know, one loses track of time in quarantine, at least, I do.

One day runs into another.

I've found myself loosing track of my life in my calling.

A small part of what I do...a very small part...is connected to this blog. Very, very small part. And, I've kept up with that.

But, I do think of myself as an ambassador for the Kingdom of God, yada, yada, yada.

It's that calling and ministry that I've lost too much of since I chose the rules of the community here at the home over my on the job ministry.

I've been gratified that so many of my coworkers, and even some customers of the store, have reached out to me to tell me how much my presence is missed and who have remained in contact to ask about my mom and continue to assure me that she, and we, are in their prayers.

I've found myself sort of resting on my laurels, taking it all in, enjoying the sense that, perhaps, I made a bigger difference for the Kingdom than I realized.

And, that felt good...

...but it has to stop.

I've been paying some attention to the ways that pastor/parish priests have used social media to continue their ministries.

And, it strikes me that it would be easy for me to do the same with the ambassador stuff.

So, this morning, I started to do that via texting and email.

As I say, being an ambassador of the Kingdom is easier for me to do remotely than it will be for someone who sees himself, or herself, as being a provider of religious products and services.

So, starting today, I'm back in ministry.

Matthew 7:22-23 and 25:44-46

One very important biblical theme, seen clearly, especially in the Gospel of Matthew, is that, on that Day, many people who honestly believe themselves to be disciples of Jesus, will be stunned to be turned away by Him.

"Lord, lord, did we not prophesy in your name and cast out demons and perform many miracles?"

"But Lord, when did we see you hungry...?"

It's extremely important that people who seek Jesus get righteousness right...

...because the clear teaching of Jesus is that "on that day many" (Mt. 7:22) will hear Him say to them, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers." (v. 23)

Among all the failings in the teachings that come from some of the holders of institutional authority in the General Conference office, this is the most egregious, and deadly.

I, personally, take these warnings to heart, and have for many years.

One of the prayers I repeat most often, based on Philippians 2:12, and other Scriptures, is, "Lord, help me to work out my own salvation with fear and trembling." And, I do work out my salvation fearfully.

I often contrast the essence of the Church of God in our movement days, when our ministry was being abundantly blessed, with the CGGC of today as we continue to the slide of generations into spiritual decay and numerical decline.

One way that I don't believe I've ever contrasted the two, to this point, is on this matter of getting righteousness right by working out your salvation with fear and trembling.

Clearly, in the movement days, we understood the holiness of God and the reality that the Lord is s righteous judge. It was obvious to our people, then, that human beings must work out their salvation with fear and trembling. In those days, our people lived radically.

Just as clearly, in our decay days, the warnings of Jesus about the shock many will experience on that Day, and the obvious need for all people to work out their salvation with fear and trembling, as even Paul himself did, are absent from the message preached by many of our friends in high places.

As a body we suffer.

Many, but not all, of the holders of institutional authority in the CGGC, live very moderate, mellow lives.. Most CGGC people follow suit.

And, many individuals who swallow the gospel preached in the CGGC today, are being set up to hear Jesus say to them, "I never knew you. Away from me..."

Doesn't that bother you?

Doesn't it break your heart?

Apparently, Word Got to the Hierarchs that I'm Squawking about My Last eNews Comment

So, at about 8:00 a.m. today, I hit SEND on my note about my latest eNews comment.

It's the one in which I suggest that we should, at least meditate on the possibility that the Western church in general and the CGGC specifically, are being rebuked and disciplined by Jesus...

...because He promises that He does rebuke and discipline those whom He loves.

Throughout the morning, I checked a few times to see if my comment was either removed from the queue, indicating that it did not pass moderation, or if it was published.

Early this afternoon, I noticed that it was published. It's there now. You can read it on the Contagious Awakening blog, though I already posted it here twice.

What happened?

Well it could have been a coincidence and the General Conference staff simply got around to publishing it today...AFTER NINE DAYS.

What's more likely is that one of you read my post and let someone who has a big desk in a spacious office in the headquarters building in Findlay know that I'm still in High Harangue over my post.

Undoubtedly, I'll never know. And, it matters little.

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What I do think matters is the point I made in the comment, that is, that we've been declining and decaying for generations...

...and Jesus makes the promise, "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline."

And, He also gives these commands: "Be earnest and repent."

My First Trip Outside of the Building in More than a Week

I just returned from a trip to Walmart. The last time I stepped outside of our apartment building was 8 days ago.

Evie had five prescriptions waiting. I know that there's a way to get Walmart to deliver prescriptions but rules at the home are so restrictive that it would be very difficult...to impossible...for the delivery person to get to us.  The unintentional consequence is that I had to leave the campus.

So, while I was at the store, I bought about $80 in OTC medications and groceries.

We should be set for at least a week.

I'm not complaining about the home's rules. They're working. To my knowledge, there are still no cases of COVID-19 among the residents of the home, at any level of care. (As far as I know, the unit in skilled care being prepared for COVID-19 residents is still not functional.)

Because I left the campus, I was careful when I returned. After unloading the groceries, I immediately took off everything I was wearing and put it in the washing machine and cranked it up. Then, I stepped into the shower.

I have to say that going to Walmart is not the stuff of my dreams. And, these days, I  enjoy it even less. I hate wearing my mask, but and happy to do it. Weaving through the aisles attempting to practice social distancing as effectively as possible doesn't add to my joy, either.

But, there's a certain amount of, well, pride, in the best sense, that I'm a part of this retirement community which is still free of the virus. I'm more diligent than I would be because of it.

Anyway, I'm home.

And, inside the building for at least another week, unless something unforeseen happens.

Next Wednesday, Evie has a procedure at the hospital, so I will be out for that, at least.

But, for now, the quarantine continues.

"Be earnest and repent."

My latest eNews comment remains unpublished. It's been in the queue since April 5...9 days so far.

I've already copied it here, but here it is again:

Lance,

Thank you for your quote from Revelation 3.

In light of the verse 19 part of your quote:

“Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent,”

I believe that a painful, yet necessary, place for us to begin these reflections is not with your question, “What is Jesus doing IN you through COVID-19?,” but with:

What is Jesus doing TO you…us…through COVID-19?

Since we agree that it’s true that Jesus rebukes and disciplines those whom He loves, I think we’d be missing an opportunity to be transparent about our relationship with Him if we refuse to spend serious moments meditating on the very real possibility that we are in the midst of a moment of God’s judgment.

If He’s rebuking us, for what? What act, or acts, does He demand of us?

About what must we in the Western church be earnest. How must we, as a body, and as individuals, repent?

The opening of the door described in verse 20 certainly must signify an attitude of earnest-ness followed by acts of repentance.

Western Christianity has been declining and decaying for some time. How can we not start by considering the question: What is Jesus doing TO us?

Of course, I don't know why my comment continues to go unpublished.

It still is in the queue. It hasn't been formally rejected. What I don't know is if the comment will be rejected by sitting in the position of awaiting moderation until the end of the Age.

Certainly, the blog continues to chug along. Lance submitted his latest on schedule last Friday.

What I do know is that the comment I submitted has gone nowhere.

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As far as the comment itself, it questions if we are willing and able to accept the words of Jesus contained John's prophecy, in Revelation 3, in which Jesus says that He rebukes and disciplines the people He loves.

This is a truth that people gifted to be shepherds would, indeed, find challenging.

More than that, in an institutional body so profoundly dominated by people with the gift of being a shepherd, it's a truth that the CGGC body in the year 2020 would have great difficulty accepting and living out.

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The truth is that, as a prophet, I am much more timid than I want to be. I lack boldness. I continue to rebuke myself on that reality.

Frequently, I conclude my posts with the words, "We must repent."

Never once have I had the boldness to say, to the rest of the CGGC body, "You must repent," or, simply, "Repent."

In my typical timidity, in my eNews comment, I don't say that Jesus is rebuking and disciplining today's church.

All I've done is to suggest that we spend time meditating on the possibility that we are being rebuked and disciplined by Jesus...

...and, if we think we are, or may be, to consider why we are and what we could do to respond.

Is my suggestion that we ask those questions too much for the Contagious Awakening blog? Is it, too offensive to pass moderation? I don't know.

Is it out of bounds in the Western Church and in the CGGC in particular?

Two truths are undeniable:

1. The red letters of the New Testament do say, "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline." And,

2. In recent generations, Western Christianity, and, certainly, the CGGC in particular, have been in the midst of numerical decline and spiritual decay.

My point, in my as yet unpublished eNews comment, is legitimate.

We should, at the very least, consider the possibility that we are being rebuked and disciplined by the events that are taking place.

No one in the CGGC that I know of is doing that, other than me, of course.

I understand that, in a shepherd-dominated body, it is a challenging red letter truth that being potentially rebuked and disciplined is part of being loved by Jesus.

Yet, no matter how hard this reality may be in our church culture, the words are there in the Bible...in red and white.

Are we being rebuked and disciplined?

If so, the remedy for us, according to that passage is to "be earnest and repent." How would our hearts respond if we were earnest? What would we think, and do, in repentance?

Must we repent?

Just to Plead My Case: I'm not being a Curmudgeon

I'm not into Easter and I'm not into the whole Advent/Christmas schtick.

But, I want to make the point that my walk with Jesus is not centered around what I'm against...

...I'm for something that I believe is more purely of the gospel.

I believe that what I'm for has been attended with profound spiritual blessing when it has been lived.

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I grew up in a family that was deeply religious. I was in church and Sunday School each and every week.

I've said often here that I could repeat the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles' Creed long before I could read.

Having said that, back in the day, I loved Christmas and Easter. I was a C and E church person who was always in church.

I understand why people today make a big deal out of those two Holy Days created by the Roman Church.

But, the truth is that, especially for people of the Word, people who claim the Bible as their only rule of faith and practice, there's no such thing as a Holy Day.

Every day...every moment is the Lord's.

The Old Testament people celebrated Holy Days which were commanded by the Lord.

It would have seemed the most normal thing for there to be special days in the New Covenant. It would seem right that there'd be a Christmas Holy Day and an Easter Holy Day in the New Testament. But, they're not there. They are human inventions. It's significant, I believe, that there are no Holy Days in the New Covenant.

Even the practice of gathering on the first day of the week developed among early disciples without command.

There is a practice, of sorts, that was commanded by Jesus. "Do this in remembrance of Me." That's it.

The practice of early followers of Jesus, which is never taught, and certainly is not commanded, but can be gleaned from the New Testament, reflects an ongoing practice revealing the fact that the gospel was at the center of life, is what I'm for.

It worked then. It was empowered. Blessed. And, it still is.

Being for that, your Easter saddens me, as does Christmas.

There's something ancient, primitive and spiritual that is vastly superior to your Holy Days, which are the fruit of human tradition.

Early Believers Did not Celebrate Easter

This is an odd year for nearly every American church. This day, April 12, 2020, according to the way the Roman Catholic Church sets dates in ecclesiastical calendar, is Easter.

(Trivia question: How does the Roman Catholic Church calculate which Sunday is Easter Sunday in a given year?)

Easter Sunday is the day of the highest Sunday Show attendance in many American churches. And, it seems to me, that the number in attendance at a Sunday show still matters tons in the institutionalized church, even though it's fashionable these days to talk about the importance of other things that have little to do with the Show, such as Kingdom and discipleship.

---------------

The historic truth, however, is that Easter Sunday meant next to nothing in the Church of God in its movement days, when expansion was taking place so quickly that the ministers of the movement couldn't keep up and when the Priesthood of all Believers was its reality.

From what I can tell from social media, your church is probably trying to make as much of Easter as possible, even in the face of Stay at Home orders from the governor of your state.

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One of my Characteristics of the CGGC Brand, which I developed years ago, Creeping High Church-ism, touches on the increasingly important role of liturgical Holy Days in the CGGC. It's included next,  followed by several comments.

5. Creeping High Church-ism.  In recent years, there has been a marked increase in the number of CGGC clergy who don clerical collars and who sport large crosses on chains around their necks.  At the same time, there has been increasingly open, unashamed, proud and passionate advocacy of the high church's celebration of Lent, Holy Week and Advent from CGGC mountaintops.  This has had the effect of elevating the clergy of the CGGC as a hierarchical priesthood and stealing, from all the members of the CGGC body, their role as a universal priesthood. It also focuses the CGGC on the church that is served by credentialed priests, not the Kingdom Jesus brings

Some observations:

1. To be fair to the current batch of holders of institutional authority in the CGGC, I think that pressure to become a high church church may have waned to a small degree in the last few years. It's still present, no doubt, but the momentum may have eased slightly.

2. As I have often said, the move, in the CGGC body, to be just another Protestant denomination came late-ish in the history of our body.

It may surprise many to realize that, at the time of its founding, Church of God people did not consider themselves to be Protestants.

In fact, in 1830, on the day that the Church of God Eldership was formed, John Winebrenner identified this body as not being Protestant.

Winebrenner, and his colleagues looked, longingly, for the coming of "another great Reformation." They saw the Church of God leading the way,  or, at least, joining in a movement toward that other Reformation, when the ways of the Reformation of the 1500s would be surpassed, and set aside.

(The day that the Church of God lost its founding focus to settle in as being merely another small Protestant denomination has proved to be a dark day for us. In my opinion, nothing good has come out of it.)

3. By far, more important than early Church of God reference, the early disciples didn't practice anything remotely close to the celebration of Easter.

There is nothing like Easter in the New Testament!

The early disciples did have something,  though. What they did have was wonderful and it connected organically to the gospel they preached.

The early disciples gathered on the first day of the week.

Every gathering of disciples was a celebration of the truth of the gospel in its entirety, not merely of the resurrection.

The very fact of the gathering on the first day of the week recalled the fact that Jesus arose on the first day of the week.

Acts 20 describes an early gathering. Luke says, "On the first day of the week, when we gathered together to break bread..."

The evidence is compelling that every early gathering of disciples was centered around the breaking of bread...what we sometimes call the Agape Meal.

Paul describes what would be the normal way in which the gathering developed, including the whole gospel truth: "on the night in which He was betrayed, Jesus took bread..." (1 Corinthians 11)

Early disciples didn't have a yearly liturgical calendar. No. The truth of the gospel throbbed in the rhythm of their community in every moment. Every gathering proclaimed the gospel that Paul articulates in the beginning of 1 Corinthians 15:

-That Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures,
-That He was buried,
-That He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures,
-And, that He appeared...

4. In the CGGC today, there is tension between what we say we believe and what we actually do. This tension creates and sustains the cynicism that prevents us from having a vigorous, unified ministry, like the ministry we had in the days we were being blessed...the days that we were expanding so rapidly that the people who served the movement couldn't keep up with the Lord's blessing.

We say that the Bible is our only rule of faith and practice. We do Easter, which is not a biblical practice, but rather, a nonbiblical tradition.

We talk a glorious Bible-living talk we don't walk...and we decay and we decline.

Early disciples didn't do Easter. What they did do meant so much more.

Early Church of God people didn't make a big deal of Easter because the teachings of the Word literally ruled what they did.

There's nothing like Easter in the New Testament. For that reason, Church of God people didn't do Easter,...

...and, they were blessed.

Oh, for those early days...

...not early Church of God days,...

...early church days.

Produce Fruit in Keeping with Repentance

In Matthew 3:7f, John the Baptist, as he prepares the way for the ministry of Jesus, while John is baptizing in the wilderness, spots Sadducees and Pharisees among the people in the crowd. Those men, of course, were the religious elite among the Jews of that day.

The prominence of the Sadducees and Pharisees in organized Judaism didn't impress John. If anything, their elite status offended him. John picked the Jewish hierarchs out from among the people in the crowd, referring to them as a "brood of vipers" and offering them this challenge: "Produce fruit in keeping with repentance."

John's words, offered to them in the form of a command, challenge me every day. I believe those words apply to everyone who would follow Jesus.

Shortly after John confronted the religious elites of his day with that challenge, Jesus began His own ministry in which His core message was a similar challenge. But, Jesus presented the challenge to one and all: "...repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is near." (Matt. 3:17)

Two central questions of my life are:

1. What must I repent of/from? And,
2. How is my repentance producing fruit?

These days of the Coronavirus crisis have changed the rules by which we all live.

For me, answering my two central questions had developed into a pattern in recent years and I knew how to answer them.

I didn't always like the honest answer to the questions. But the pattern was there.

These days, for me, what repentance is, and how repentance is put into action, is scrambled, compared to the past...and I'm still very uncertain. I'm still working it out.

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Being a prophet, walking in the Spirit and living in community, it's a part of my gift and calling to, well, be in the repentance business, not only for myself, but for others as well,...

...as John was,...

...as Jesus was.

I see this Coronavirus crisis as an historic  opportunity,...

...the sort of opportunity that doesn't come often to the people of God...

...more than that, I see it as a challenge...

...to the Western church, declining and decaying, dying?, as it unquestionably is, to turn from fallen, failing and unblessed ways.

But, as far as I can tell, the opportunity is being ignored.

So far, at least, the opportunity is being lost.

What I see is people struggling sincerely to preserve old ways that fail to bring God's blessing.

As of this moment, I see doom.

I suggested, in my still unpublished comment to the last eNews, that we must consider asking what Jesus is doing TO us, that is, how His promise that He rebukes and disciplines people He loves applies to us...

...because, when He rebukes and disciplines, He commands His people to, "be earnest and repent."

To repent is to change the way you think.

To produce fruit in keeping with repentance is to behave in a way that reflects new thinking.

Tell me, if you know that I am wrong, but I'm not seeing new thinking. I'm not seeing repentance. I'm not seeing fruit of repentance.

We must repent.

Tenth Anniversary of Cancer

With all that's going on with Coronavirus consciousness, Evie's compromised immune system and mom's positive test result and declining health, we missed an important anniversary.

April 3, 2010, the evening before Easter Sunday, as Evie was changing into her jammies, she noticed a lump.

Beginning the next Monday, she did all the things required by all the doctors, underwent all the testing, received the diagnosis then suffered through eight chemotherapy treatments, two surgeries and 33 radiation treatments.

It was a difficult year. The last radiation treatment took place in mid December.

2010 is a year we'd love to forget, but, of course, never will.

And, it's a year we should rejoice in and praise God for, and, honestly, most of the time, that's what we do.

Ten years.

At the time, we weren't sure that we'd have ten years.

We've cherished each day since then in a way we could not have had the cancer not appeared.

Certainly, the trauma of the chemo and of the radiation has taken a toll on Evie's body and she's paying the price...

...yet she lives each day as a brighter light for the Kingdom than she was even before.

God's love, mercy and grace are amazing things and the more personally you experience them, the more vividly you can bear witness to them.

And, she does.

I am so blessed to have her in my life and these last ten years have been an especially precious gift.

Who knows about tomorrow?  But, there are many sweet yesterdays.

Praise God.

Practicing What We Preach

"I am just so humbled to be able to live here." "Me, too."

Evelyn Sloat speaking to bill Sloat (4/9/2020)

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"Founded on Christ's love and Mennonite values, we strive to enrich the lives of those we serve." --Mission Statement of Fairmount Homes 

Living in the COVID-19 era is a challenge.

My mom lives in a retirement home community about 15 miles from Fairmount Homes, where Evie and I live.

As I've mentioned, the home where mom lives has numerous residents and staff who have tested positive for the Coronavirus. Five residents there have died and a sixth resident who wasn't tested there is presumed to have died from it.

Mom is one of the residents who has tested positive, and her health is declining.

The staff here at Fairmount was far ahead of the staff at mom's home in bracing for the pandemic.

To this day, there are still no cases of COVID-19 on our campus...

...but that is about to change.

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In addition to the Mission Statement, I quoted, Fairmount also has seven Core Values which are consistent with the Mission Statement.

The second of the Core Values is Compassion.

Evie and I just read a letter from Fairmount's President/CEO explaining that the Home's Core Values create tension for us as a community.

While the staff continues to be proactive in working to assure the safety of our residents and staff, he says, Fairmount's staff feels challenged to live up to its Core Value of Compassion in serving the community.

As a result, after considerable preparation, Fairmount is about to accept, as an incoming resident, someone who has tested positive for COVID-19...

...and, more than that...

...TO ESTABLISH AN ENTIRE WING OF ITS HEALTH CARE FACILITY TO ACCOMMODATE RESIDENTS WHO HAVE CONTRACTED THE DISEASE. 

It was after reading the letter that Evie spoke of being humbled to live here. She took the word right out of my mouth.

Humbled.

It gets my goat to be in the company of people who talk a glorious talk but don't walk their talk.

I don't shut up about it. Undoubtedly, I never will.

When I can be in community with people who talk gloriously about Christ's love...

...and actually live it?

I'm blessed and inspired.

I'm simply humbled to be able to be apart of this community.

God be praised.

A Trip to MY Grocery Store

I went to the grocery store today for the first time since I gave up my job.

There are many stores closer to our new home but I had to pick up a check and fill out forms to request vacation time, to help meet the financial challenges of quarantine and do other employment related things...

...plus buy groceries.

I spent a lot more than I usually do but I bought ahead in some things.

A local church and a local grocery store are teaming up to deliver groceries to the residents of the home based, I guess, on telephone orders. Hopefully, for a while, we'll be able to get deliveries of perishable items.

I'm doing my best to live by the spirit of the quarantine. We're permitted to go to the grocery store and the pharmacy but we're to limit our trips off campus as much as possible.

And, the quarantine is working here. There are still no cases of COVID-19 here. At my mom's home, a twenty minute drive away, there've already been four deaths and more than 30 cases.

I'm doing my best to live by the spirit of the quarantine. My guess is that some of the geezers here are not...though, as time goes on, I think I'm seeing more masks being worn.

I wore the mask provided by the home, sanitized my hands twice and put the clothes I wore in the wash as soon as I returned the shopping to its place.

Also, to my surprise, when I was finished I realized that I am absolutely EXHAUSTED. And, I'm not sure why. It might be that, breathing through the mask, I wasn't getting enough oxygen.

And, it may be emotional. I felt very conflicted being around my friends who are still working, while I am not.

I had mixed feelings when I was in the store, most of them negative, but some sweet. I absolutely love my coworkers and, so, I was glad to see the people who were working.

But, I have a real sense that I've left them down.

While I don't believe that humans practice leadership in the Kingdom of God, I believe that I am in a position of leadership on my job and my sense is that I was an effective leader, one who achieved followership...

...and, in choosing to join in the quarantine at the home, I have a sense that I failed as a leader. (I understand that I didn't have a choice, but feelings don't operate on the basis of logic.)

Anyway, our store does paper isle stuff well. And, I was able to buy one pack of 12 toilet paper rolls and a pack of three boxes of tissue...

...and I did it with a clear conscience.

Since Evie has a colostomy, we need to be careful not to run out, and my allergies are already screaming, at the beginning of April. I'll go through many boxes of tissues before the spring allergy season passes.

And, I could have bought paper towels and didn't.

Ah, the ethics of grocery shopping during a pandemic.

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I walked in the apartment as Evie was getting an update on mom's condition from the home.

Not good. She's moving to skilled care, the highest level of care.

More on that later, on Facebook, at least.

I Checked Out My First Audiobook On Line

I've been an avid listener to audiobooks for nearly 30 years.

I killed my eyes in grad school, so I only read hard copies of serious stuff.

I find popular fiction, by authors I enjoy, relaxing.

And, these days, I have TONS of time on my hand.

I went to the website of my local library to investigate how I can get audiobooks to listen to on my phone.

The selection of authors I'd consider is adequate and the process is user friendly enough even for me.

Over the years, I've developed the practice of checking out Customer Reviews at Amazon. If the 5 star and 4 star ratings of a book add up to 80% or more, and it's something I think I'd like, I consider it.

So, for example, a Beverly Lewis that got 95% wouldn't work for me, an 81% on a Robert B. Parker would work.

I checked out my list of favorite authors: Michael Connelly, Lee Child, David Baldacci, Harlan Coban, Lisa Scottoline, and others, to see what was available to be checked out. Most of what interested me was taken and I'd have to put the book on hold.

Eventually, I found a few of the, in my opinion very underrated, Kate Burkholder novels by Linda Castillo and chose one that got 91% by my Amazon standard and checked it out.

It's entitled, Gone Missing. It's a tad more that ten hours of listening, by a competent reader. I'm already about a third of the way through it.

I'd do this to listen to good Christian nonfiction but the library has a horrid collection of that stuff.

I've blogged about the Kate Burkholder novels before.

Kate's former Amish, now the Chief of Police in a small town in Holmes County, Ohio. As I've said in the past, she's no Miss Marple. Later in the series than this novel she begins to shack up with her beau.

If the books were movies, by today's standards, they're probably PG rated. They're not for the whole family. They're 21st century murder mysteries.

Castillo is not my favorite author. Michael Connelly is.

But, she's good and these novels have some substance for me. They take modern Amish life seriously.

I'm a student of and commentator on, as regular readers here know, the decline and decay of institutionalized Christianity in the West. And, these Anabaptist groups are not participating in that decline and decay. They don't do outreach and they are still growing rapidly because they have tons of kids and, unlike, well, CGGC congregations for instance, they keep most of their young people.

And, I do wonder what lessons there may be for us.

These groups emphasize walk much more  than talk. And, I believe there is much foolishness in our Talk-ism. I suspect that our walkless talk will, eventually, kill us...unless we repent of it.

So, I'm studying Castillo's take on the Amish. It's peripheral to the stories, but it's substantial and serious.

---------------

Anyway, there's a serious reason I gravitate to the Kate Burkholder novels in addition to their well doneness as contemporary popular fiction.

And, so far, I'd give Gone Missing four stars.

What I got Wrong about the Ambassador of the Kingdom of God Thing

I'm quarantined.

Trips outside of the apartment are now severely restricted until further notice from the powers that be at the home where we are Independent Living residents.

So, it's reasonable to conclude that Chapter One of my career as a Kingdom Ambassador has come to an end,...

...that is, assuming, by the grace of God, I survive the pandemic and return to my job at some time in the future.

Here are two reflections on my experience to this point:

1. (This is, by far, the less meaningful of the two.) You've probably picked up on this because I've not always been subtle about it.

I resent denominational leadership's hypocrisy by regularly advocating that CGGC people live this life yet, at the same time, neither visibly living the life themselves nor mentoring the people who do attempt to live it.

Denominational communication regularly advocates that CGGC people live the ambassadorial lifestyle. The first-ever CGGC Strategic Plan includes it but,...

...from where I stand, having been in the world doing it for more than six and a half years, it's all talk, as far as the holders of institutional authority in the CGGC are concerned, and no walk.

The ambassadorial walk is a joy, but it is also a challenge. Many have been the times that I've wished that the holders of institutional authority in the CGGC would call together a community of our people who live the life or, at least, are interested in living the life, so that those of us who are doing it can, as Hebrews says, "spur one another on to love and good deeds."

Beyond that, I have yearned for teaching, mentoring, in the life. I've often thought that I am more committed to the life than I am effective in living it out.

That is, I'm very committed to it, but, often I think, not especially good at it.

And, I resent the fact that the holders of institutional authority in the CGGC sit behind their large desks in their spacious offices and promote the life I have committed myself to and, then, offer nothing to me, or to anyone else, by way of support.

Just a brief side note here: It seems to me that this is one important reason why there is no followership in the CGGC. When CGGC people do practice followership, there is no corresponding leadership. The casting of vision with no follow up is what counts for leadership in the CGGC these days. 


2. And, this is the thought that matches the title of this post, and it's frustrating and, even embarrassing:

I realize that I was living as an ambassador, inadvertently thinking of it as a religious service to be consumed by others. 

Ouch!

One of my most common harangues on this blog is my attack on the unbiblical clergy/laity divide in the institutional church in which the clergy produces religious products and services so they can be consumed by the laity...

...so that, for most of the people in the church, righteousness is defined as nothing more than the faithful and diligent consumption of the work product provided by the clergy.

This producer/consumer paradigm is unbiblical and it horrifies me, and yet...

I now realize that I was doing the ambassador thing as a religious service in spite of myself. 

Yet, in truth, it's not that...

...and it never was.

Here's how I came to realize that: Numerous coworkers, and even customers of the store, have reached out to me since I went into quarantine in the way I would have reached out to them when I was living the ambassadorial lifestyle.

I'm getting at least as well as I gave, maybe better!

It seems that I wasn't providing a religious service that was simply being consumed but,...

I don't know,...

...participating in the Kingdom life?...

Participating in a genuine priesthood of all believers!


There is a genius in a walk in the Spirit that is truly supernatural.

The Spirit can take feeble acts of obedience, even if they are misguided and misunderstood by obedient people, and He can turn them into something truly meaningful and important.

Now, that I'm in quarantine, I realize that my puny efforts to live out the values and the laws of the Kingdom were taken and magnified by the Spirit in a way I could not have dreamed.

The Spirit did things through my sincere Kingdom-focused silliness that are truly meaningful.

And, I am humbled.

It frustrates me to realize that I was doing the ambassador thing from the provider/consumer paradigm...in spite of myself.

It humbles me that, by His grace, He took my foolishness and did something meaningful.

Update on Mom

Below is the text of a Facebook post from this morning regarding the state of my mom's health.

Evie and I are touched by the concern expressed by so many.

Incidentally, when the home consulted with Hospice earlier in the week, Hospice didn't take mom under their care, to the home's disappointment. The home has been hit hard by the Coronavirus, including several members of staff. Their capabilities are being stretched. 

We understand that Hospice was waiting until mom is bedridden. If that's the case, Hospice should be on board soon.

---------------

Thanks to all of you who are asking for an update on mom.

Mom seems to be slowly declining. 

Thursday was a very bad day for her. Since then, she's become weaker and less restless. Now she's, essentially, bedridden because she's too weak to get out of bed. She drinks a lot but eats very little. 

She's being given morphine to aid in her discomfort in breathing. She sleeps a lot, but does wake up from time to time. From what we can tell, she's not in pain.

It's heartbreaking for us not to be able to see her.

Please remember her in your prayers.

The eNews: Jesus Doing in You...Or, should It Be TO us?

Below will be another comment I submitted to the CGGC blog.

Lance asks what Jesus is doing in you through COVID-19.

And, Lance has the insight, and courage, to quote not only Revelation 3:20 but actually verse 19 along with verse 20.

So:

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

I think that it is rather counter-culture in a shepherd dominated church culture such as the CGGC to add very 19 to the mix. Shepherds are not really into rebuking.

Yet, verse 20 must be understood in its harsh context.

The love of Jesus is a vivid thing. When appropriate, Jesus does exactly as He says He does. He rebukes and disciplines the people He loves.

Consider the state of Western Christianity in recent generations. He's certainly not blessing the church in the West.

Isn't reasonable to think we're in a rebuke and discipline moment?

I think that we'd be well served to reflect seriously on verse 19 before we seek comfort in verse 20.

It was thinking these thoughts when I submitted the following comment to the moderator of the blog...I don't know who the moderator is these days but I'm hoping that the comment is published.

If not here it is:

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Lance,

Thank you for your quote from Revelation 3.

In light of the verse 19 part of your quote:

“Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent,”

I believe that a painful, yet necessary, place for us to begin these reflections is not with your question, “What is Jesus doing IN you through COVID-19?,” but with:

What is Jesus doing TO you…us…through COVID-19?

Since we agree that it’s true that Jesus rebukes and disciplines those whom He loves, I think we’d be missing an opportunity to be transparent about our relationship with Him if we refuse to spend serious moments meditating on the very real possibility that we are in the midst of a moment of God’s judgment.

If He’s rebuking us, for what? What act, or acts, does He demand of us?

About what must we in the Western church be ernest. How must we, as a body, and as individuals, repent?

The opening of the door described in verse 20 certainly must signify an attitude of ernest-ness followed by acts of repentance.

Western Christianity has been declining and decaying for some time. How can we not start by considering the question: What is Jesus doing TO us?

Something Unimportant I Care About: The Eagles' Bernie Leadon

I'm a fan of the music group, The Eagles.

The group's been around for a long time. Their first single, Take it Easy, was released on May 1, 1972.

They were on the charts for most of the 70s, even during the much-hated Disco abomination. Their, Lyin' Eyes, was nominated for the Record of the Year Grammy in 1975.

Their album, Hotel California, is the third best selling album of all time. That album, which is not their best selling, was released in 1976. They produced one more album before they broke up in 1980.

They reunited with the Hell Freezes Over album and tour in 1994 and have been touring off and on...more on, since.

I have a few Eagles rants...And, I'm quarantined.

The group touring now is, in my opinion, essentially, nothing more than a cover band. It's quite a cover band, without a doubt. Vince Gill? Vince Gill! Only Don Henley among the original members of the band is still in the group. I actually had a dust up with Mike Stallons, from my WTS days, on Facebook about that a few years ago. Steuart Smith. SHEESH!

Glen Frey, a talented songwriter and world-class egotist, died in 2016.

Frey booted out two of the original members: Randy Meisner, the original bass player and high voice in the harmonies...

...and the original lead guitarist, Bernie Leadon, who actually was the first to leave.

---------------

Leadon drove the California Rock, Country sound of the group in its early years.

Bernie Leadon is a genius.

His contribution to the sound of the group was subtle and powerful.

Leadon left after an argument with Frey when Frey demanded that the group change musical direction, away from the California sound that defined its style on its first albums.

My favorite Eagles music came from the Bernie Leadon era, before Hotel California.

After Leadon, the music lost its charm and subtlety and, in my snooty opinion, sold out to what was popular for the sake of popularity.

Leadon introduced understated, but important, country touches to most of the best of the Eagles early songs.

Perhaps his most notable achievement was on the Eagles' first song to reach the top spot on Billboard's Hot 100, Best of My Love, which featured strong notes from his pedal steel guitar, making it my favorite of the group's songs.

I love his contribution to the aforementioned Lyin Eyes. Listen as the track progresses and you'll hear, briefly, Leadon's mandolin. A nice touch. "Did she get tired or did she just get lazy," right about there.

Notice the banjo in the background of Take it Easy. Good stuff. Leadon.

He's everywhere in the early music.

As popular as the album, Hotel California is, it's not the Eagle's best seller. The music album that has outsold all others, by many millions, is The Eagles: Their Greatest Hits (1971-1975)--the Bernie Leadon era.

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Leadon was replaced in the band by Joe Walsh. Walsh, and an earlier fifth band member, guitarist Don Felder, suited the musical rebranding envisioned by Frey. Walsh is, no doubt, beloved by fans of the group. Walsh is charismatic and eccentric and whimsical. He may well be the best-loved member of the current band. His Life's Been Good is hilarious. It's included in the (cover) band's concerts to this day. And, I do love it. And, him.

Many, except the group's most serious, and geezerly, fans may have forgotten Bernie Leadon. No doubt, many don't know that he was even in the group.

But, he was.

And, the music's never been the same.

---------------

Like the title of this post announced. Unimportant. But, I care.

And, I am quarantined.

Psychosomatic Symptoms

It's how I roll.

I've always been that way, I suppose, but I remember the first ugly day.

It was when dad's dementia was first becoming problematic.

On my day off, I visited mom and dad and spent a good part of the day with them and dad was just crazy. It's hard to describe unless you've been around dementia.

He was not the old dad and what he was from somewhere in The Twilight Zone.

And, I dealt with it and was as pleasant as I could be. The time came for me to leave and I left. I told Evie about it and finished the day.

The next morning I woke up and immediately concluded that I had developed the worst case of flu I'd ever had.

My brain was fuzzy and every muscle in my body ached. In fact, looking back, every part of me ached like muscle aches, even places where there are no muscles.

I rolled out of bed and called the store to say that I wouldn't be in and crawled back into bed.

I went back to sleep and woke up later, still aching and I realized that, for all of the other symptoms, I didn't have a fever.

After thinking it through, I realized that this was how my mind and body processed the previous day's experience.

It's who I am. I understand that now. I'm not ashamed of it and I can even plan around it.

While I was still working, just a few days ago, when the home called and began to talk about mom in an end of life way, before the COVID-19 results came back, as I left at the end of the day, I told my boss that I'd probably develop vertigo over night and that I might not be in the next day. And, that happened...bad, not as bad as I expected...but, bad enough.

So, this morning, after all the news about mom yesterday, I woke up feeling like I had a bad case of flu.

I don't.

But, physically, I feel awful. Not as bad as I felt on the first day with dad, but way bad enough.

And, today's another day. It's not over yet.

It's Hard to know that My Mom's Dying and I can't be with Her

This is, essentially, a journal entry. If you read it, skim the messy parts.

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Here's the text of a message I sent to a cousin who's concerned about how my mom is doing. I sent it last evening, at the end of an eventful day:


She seems to be generally declining. 

She's been having seizures, which are becoming more frequent. 

She's becoming weaker, but still can walk, though she has fallen. 

Her dementia seems also to be increasing. 

None of us have spoken to her because she doesn't answer the phone. 

The home's trying to move her to a higher level of care but the fact that she is COVID positive is making that difficult. 

Nothing good.


And, that's not the whole story. Mom's stopped eating and can't take pills safely. At one point during the day, a nurse found mom in her bathroom, passed out and covered in feces. In an energetic moment, fogetting that she's not supposed to leave her room, mom left her room and then couldn't remember which room is her's, even though the entry is decorated with old family memorabilia.

It was a bad day but I didn't realize how bad it was until I read over the message I sent to Karen.

We'd called mom to talk to her. She doesn't answer the phone. That's probably an Alzheimer's thing. Very probably, she no longer comprehends the functioning of a telephone. That happened to dad near the end.

We called the nurses station several times and got updates. The nurses called us at least once. The nurse practitioner called with a detailed update. And, someone from the home called to report that 11 new cases of COVID-19 were identified...in one day. (The home down there is being hit hard but they are being very transparent.)

So we picked up the information in small pieces.

Obviously, mom's dying.

It's absolutely breaking my heart that I can't be with her to comfort her.

In my mind, when I thought about the time mom would die, I expected to be some comfort to her...

...because, since I shaved my head, I'm a dead ringer for my dad, who was bald since he was in his 30s...and my voice sounds exactly like his.

I expected that my presence would bring dad to mind for mom, but I'm not there.

She's alone. At this point, because the Alzheimer's has advanced so far, I don't think she realizes she's alone. Without us being there, I imagine that she doesn't remember any of us.

And, it's absolutely heartbreaking for my brother, his wife and Evie and me.

There is comfort in knowing that she's in competent and caring hands.

I think mom and dad moved into Independent Living in 2006. It's been a good experience for them and we trust the home to do their best for mom, but that's small comfort in the face of all of this sorrow.

As I've said, mom's loved the Lord since I was born and there's that. But, I think that that won't be much comfort until the suffering is over...

...hopefully soon.

I've had to Take a Leave of Absence from my Ambassador Job

I live in an Independent Living apartment in a retirement community. (Actually, I believe that it's not called Independent Living these days. The politically correct term now, is Residential Living.)

Weeks ago, when the Coronavirus conversation was becoming serious, I was listening to some radio talk and  I heard that the most dangerous place to be is in a nursing home.

That makes sense.

Technically, we're in one.

There are three levels in most retirement communities. Ours, Independent, or Residential, personal care, formerly assisted living, and skilled care, which was once the nursing home.

It's dangerous to be in personal care and skilled care because those residents are in close proximity to each other, in a way that hospital patients are. In those settings, people in poor health, most with compromised immune systems, live close together, often with two residents sharing a room.

In times like these, that's dangerous.

As of yesterday, in the home my mom's in, 11 people, have tested positive for the Coronavirus, my mom, sadly, is one of them.

Here, where we live, to this date, no one has tested positive.

There are reasons for that. The administrators here have been ahead of the curve, aggressive, in creating quarantine conditions.

And, all the while, I'd been leaving the campus five days a week to work full-time in a GROCERY STORE.

Yesterday, I picked up the mail and read the latest guidelines for Residential Living and, clearly, my grocery store employment was far beyond those guidelines.

So, I called one of the people in authority in the effort to preserve the health of the members of the community and we talked about my job.

It was a good chat. He was in a difficult position.

He said that he can't order me to stop working. I imagine even the governor's Stay-at-Home order would allow me to work because I work in a life-sustaining business.

But, he made it clear that he wanted me to stop working.

He's a great guy, as is the entire staff here.

He slipped into the first person plural at one point and said, "We."

"We," he said, were concerned that my job wouldn't be open to me when this is over and, so, they hestitated to pressure me to stop working.

But, my job...or, at least, a job will be waiting for me. That's a comforting thought.

And,...

...as sensitive as he was about the impact of the home's rules on my life,...

...he was rather assertive, perhaps sensitively aggressive, in letting me know that they wanted me not to visit my mother in her home, especially now that she's tested positive for the Coronavirus.

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Anyway,...

...I agreed to stop working for the good of the community here at the home and, actually, more importantly for me, for Evie, who's recovering slowly from from her ailment and surgery and has other health problems, and more surgeries in her near future. More about that later, I'm sure.

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But, it feels like I'm stepping back from a calling, a ministry.

In my own mind, I've been setting myself apart from the high holders of institutional authority in the CGGC because I walk our talk and, in my opinion, they don't.

I practice the theory. Or I did. And, now, for the moment, at least, I don't.

And, it doesn't matter a lot that there is good reason.

I believe in the ambassador stuff that Lance pays lip service to,...

...that the first-ever CGGC Strategic Plan advocates.

Up until yesterday, I was among the very few, perhaps the only person, in the CGGC that walked the wonderful talk.

Now, I don't. And, that doesn't feel good.

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And, there's those for whom I served as an ambassador of the Kingdom of God.

I'm not there for them. I'm not incarnating the Kingdom among them.

I believe that I need to do what I've done.

But, it doesn't feel good in every way.