My mom's second youngest, of six, sisters, Lottie, called us yesterday. (Mom was one of seven girls.) These women had very traumatic childhoods and the five youngest remained close and fiercely mutually protective to the end. Only two survive.
As mom's health declined, Lottie asserted herself as a self-imagined protector of mom's wellbeing.
By that time, mom was physically frail and her Alzheimer's was advancing rapidly.
But, the sisters, who only saw her occasionally, couldn't appreciate mom's true condition. Lottie, especially, concluded that we were neglecting mom, so she and the others attempted to give mom the treatment they thought mom deserved.
Twice that we know of, they took mom out of the home...against home rules...and took her on field trips. Technically, they kidnapped mom.
They were certain that what they were doing was good for mom, but, in fact, it took mom days...weeks, once...to recover mentally and physically.
Several times, Lottie called us harassing for our ill treatment of mom.
It was very disconcerting.
Lottie is well into her 70s and, near the end of mom's life, Lottie had some serious physical setbacks and backed off.
I was concerned that the rift in our relationship would never be repaired.
So, yesterday she called us and we chatted for a long time. It was very amicable. We exchanged "war stories" about mom near the end.
It turns out that, eventually, Lottie saw how poorly mom was doing and, especially, how severe the Alzheimer's was. (Until the very end, if you only saw mom occasionally you couldn't tell how affected mom's mind truly was.)
It seems that Lottie came to appreciate that we were doing the best we could for her. And, it seems, all is forgiven.
Nice to know.
I'm feeling a strong sense of relief now.
I thought that there would never be peace between Lottie and us. At least, the hostilities are over.
Good news! Man, I was beginning to wonder if there was any out there! ;)
ReplyDeleteWe struggle almost as much with my mom as with my dad now. Now that he's quarantined in the home, he seems to be doing much better. Without my mom coming and going it doesn't seem to throw him off as much. Unfortunately, it is (understandably) throwing my mom off. I think she is afraid he will forget her, as well as afraid she won't be needed anymore. It's a sad time. I do not look forward to it happening to me.
I suppose this means we should enjoy life while we can, eh? :)