"For better or for worse..."

That's what Evie and I promised as a part of the vows we spoke on our wedding day. We got hitched long before writing your own vows became a thing.

As you get older, the "worse" part becomes the norm.

My back is killing me...again. It's a genetic thing. My dad struggled with back pain from my earliest memories of him. My brother quit his job before he could receive Social Security at age 62 because his back pain was excruciating. 

Last year at this time, I was in physical therapy to treat back pain. I still do the exercises a minimum of a half hour most days. Often, I do them for about an hour. I've met with a back pain doctor. He said, essentially, I'm an old man with a bad back. I take a strong prescription NSAID daily. 

I'm happier to be on the other end of 'worse.'

Since 2010, Evie's had cancer, open heart surgery and a perforated colon. More surgeries than I can remember. Since she survived, I'm happy to have been with her through them...

...but, for me, to spend these days as the care-receiver, not the care-giver, is difficult. 

It's a spiritual thing. 

*****

About twenty years ago, I read Hirsch and Frost's, The Shaping of Things to Come and, The Present Future by Reggie McNeal. As I've noted on my blog, I have never been the same. 

Since then, my intention has been to practice radical grace and mercy. Among the 'least of these.' 

Since then, a handful of Bible passages have ruled what's in me head. Among them, Matthew 25:35-36. 'I was hungry and you gave me something to eat...," and Ephesians 2:8-10. 'For it is by grace you have been saved (8)... For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works (10)..."

When Evie struggled?, that was a piece of cake. I was on mission...

...but, to receive grace and mercy, uh, graciously? For me, that's a very serious struggle. It points to a spiritual problem. 

I chide the American church...and the CGGC specifically...for its clergy/laity culture in which its 'laity' consumes the religious products and services provided by its 'priesthood.' As far as I can tell, there's not one jot nor tittle of that vision of Kingdom life in what Jesus did and taught.

Me?, I go so bonkers for Ephesians 2:10...'created in Christ Jesus to do good works...' that I'm tempted to ignore 2:8...'it is by grace you have been saved through faith...'

So, for me, the receiving part of 'for better and for worse' is a difficult, convicting, part of my discipleship journey. 

The line separating works righteousness from a life in which the full Ephesians 2:8-10 dynamic thrives... where faith produces fruit... that line is a very fine line.

When I'm laid up with back pain, I have extra time to think about it. 

It's painful in several ways.